If learners say they are visiting the Caernarfon area, I will always offer myself for a chat, even though I’m by no means an extrovert (because I know how important having those chats as a learner are). But I’ve learnt coping strategies over the years that get me through (in both English and Welsh). I can info-dump quite happily on a topic I really like or know a lot about, but I’ve had to train myself to be able to manage small talk. So the thing I look for to keep the conversation going is the middle ground - a little deeper than small talk but not too intense either, and the key thing I rely on for this is listening carefully and building around answers.
For instance, having asked what you liked doing and on being told ‘knitting’, I’d admit that I’m not good at knitting, ask how & when you got into it, what you enjoy making most, who you knit for, what you find most difficult - and then I might mention that I like doing cross-stitch and see where that goes… it can be a lot of quick thinking and sometimes lateral thinking, but it all helps to stretch out the conversation.
But of course learning a strategy only comes with a fair bit of practice and a fair bit of getting it wrong, and the trick there is not to let the ‘getting it wrong’ get in the way of the practising to figure out what works.
Thank you, Siaron. That is genuinely helpful. It’s little tips like these that would make conversations so much easier for those of us who don’t do socialising naturally.
I do actually agree with Aran in that if you want to become a confident speaker, the only way to do it is by speaking, but the equivalent of being thrown in at the deep end is not going to work for a lot of people.
I think the answer is definitely to build up gently. When new people join our chat group we make it clear that if they just want to sit and use us for listening practice, that’s absolutely fine. It’s also fine to contribute a sentence or two when they feel ready.
Hmm. I’ve been having a think since I posted this and I think the problem is that I don’t have as good of a reason as other learners; an internal motivation like having Welsh-speaking friends, partners or children. My ‘reason’ is weak in comparison: I’ve always wanted -but struggled- to learn a language, and I wanted to support the Welsh language (and feel more integrated) when I moved to Wales. Other learners I know are very patriotic, or go to a Welsh-language church, or are into Welsh history, mythology or traditional poetry.
I suppose you could say I’m caught in a ‘catch-22’ where I don’t already know a Welsh speaker, but nor is my Welsh good enough to get to know a Welsh speaker.
This is getting a bit philosophical but I suppose I could explain it this way: last year I tried indoor rock-climbing. I kept going to the sessions for months even though I hated it. I wanted to like rock-climbing and I wanted to be seen to like rock-climbing and to be part of it. I improved but still wasn’t getting any satisfaction, enjoyment or reward out of it. So I quit… And felt horribly guilty because everyone else there adored rock-climbing and loved talking about rock-climbing. That’s where I am with Welsh. This guilt I feel is exactly the same.
Of course, I could keep forcing myself to put myself in situations where I have to speak Welsh (work is one of these, and not one I can avoid either), but that reward never seems to be there- that ‘Oh wow, I just spoke Welsh, I know I made some mistakes, but I’m already looking forward to speaking Welsh again!’ (that’s what other learners feel, isn’t it?).
It’s all ‘stick’ and no ‘carrot’! …and that’s the end of my ‘Why-aren’t-I-a-Welsh-speaker-yet? Therapy Session’!
It is fine to give yourself permission NOT to like something, you know? Sometimes you’re with a group of people that really like something and you start to wonder is there something wrong with you because you don’t actually enjoy it, but it’s not that. People are different and like different things. I’ve been in situations in the past where I’ve found myself saying, “I know you all enjoy doing xxx and that’s great! I’m really pleased that you do, but it’s just not my thing” and you do need to allow yourself to do that.
If you really don’t have a great internal motivation for learning Welsh, but there are other things that you do enjoy and you’d love to spend more time doing them, then I think you may have the answer, and no one could criticise you for that if it’s the best thing for YOU.
I really think that might be it. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to work that out (despite people suggesting it to me on this forum) but I think I do just need to give myself permission to not learn [any more] Welsh. I’m sure what I’ve learnt will mostly still be there when I have to use it. Thank you!
Motivation can be intrinsic (doing something because you enjoy it, get satisfaction from it and feel it’s worthwhile) or extrinsic (e.g. you need to pass an exam to move on to the next stage of your life). Both work to motivate people to learn.
You said that you needed Welsh for work, therefore you could regard it as something you need to learn to a certain standard, but can then stop when you reach that point. It would be like doing a course to learn Microsoft Office. You don’t need to know everything the software does, just enough to do your job.
I suspect that for the Welsh that you use at work, you will find you’re saying similar things over and over again. If you focus on learning just what you need to get by, it might help you feel better about it.
Thank you. That’s a good way of putting it. When I think of it that way, I think maybe I’ve reached the standard I need on a day-to-day basis.
Undoubtedly there are still things I need to learn for working Welsh, but just having the mindset that I’ve done ‘enough’ makes me feel more positive about my existing ability
From all you’ve said about your progress with SSi and actually using Welsh at work, I think it’s pretty clear that you are a Welsh speaker.
Chasing perfection can be exhausting, and is almost never necessary. I think you should just use the Welsh you have, when you need to and when you want to. Maybe if you put less pressure on yourself, you’ll even find that speaking Welsh becomes fun and that you once again want to learn more.
Or not.
It’s all good.