Corrections and advice please

Welsh General / Questions
1

I have just finished the online bootcamp and found it a very useful and interesting experience. I haven’t yet been able to do the final challenge Aran had set, that of speaking to someone in Welsh for 10 minutes as I am not yet set up for Skype and I don’t know any fluent Welsh speakers round here.

So I decided to do a different challenge of my own instead to make up for it. I started out trying to make up sentences using some of the vocabulary I have learnt, but then decided to jot them down so I could make corrections. That developed into trying to link them together, and that developed into a very short mini-story, only a few lines long. I could have carried on writing for longer and expanding on the scene, but decided it best to check on my mistakes before getting carried away with things.

I did have to look up a few words to make things flow more. I expect I have made a fair few mistakes but I only have a limited vocabulary at present and a limited use of tenses as yet too. I am sure in some places I should have used the ‘preterite’ where I have used the ‘imperfect tense’ but I haven’t yet learnt the full range of tenses and their uses.

I would appreciate comments on where I have made errors and advice on how to put things right (including use of tenses, and by all means quote grammar rules).

I have recorded myself reading it out as I felt I made a poor job of speaking spontaneously for 3 minutes for Aran’s Challenge 9. I have uploaded my attempt to Soundcloud. It is only 2 1/2 minutes long, but I thought I’d quit while I was ahead. https://soundcloud.com/jiano-1/y-ddraig-fach-iawn

So, here is the beginning of my daft little story:

Y Ddraig Fach Iawn

Naeth y ddraig fach iawn yn deffro pan glywodd hi sŵn uchel. Roedd car yn mynd heibio yn gyflym. Doedd y ddrraig fach iawn ddim yn gwybod lle roedd hi. Roedd hi yn teimlo’n unig. Roedd hi eisiau mynd adre, ond pan roedd hi’n edrych yn ofalus i fyny ac i lawr y stryd, doedd hi ddim yn medri gweld ei chartref hi.

Er hynny, doedd hi ddim yn anobeithio yn llwyr. Roedd hi’n penderfynu chwilio ei chartef hi, a ddim aros yna. Felly, roedd hi’n dechau cerdded i lawr y stryd, mynd y ffordd gyferbyn i’r car. Wrth gerdded i lawr y stryd, roedd hi’n gweld cath ddu, ac roedd hi’n trio siarad efo’r gath.

“Bore da!” meddai y ddraig fach iawn wrth y gath ddu, ond doedd y gath ddim eisiau siarad efo hi. Doedd y gath ddim yn bihafio yn dda efo hi. Roedd y gath yn troi, ac roedd hi’n cerdded i ffwrdd.

Wedyn roedd dyn yn mynd â chi am dro. Pan roedden nhw yn dod yn nes, roedd y ddraig fach iawn yn trio siarad efo nhw, ond roedd y dyn yn siarad a chwerthin ar ei ffôn symudol, ac doedd o ddim yn gweld hi. Roedden nhw yn dal i gerdded syth heibio. Roedd y ddraig fach iawn yn drist, achos roedd hi ar goll, a doedd neb eisiau bod yn ffrindiau efo hi.

Naeth hi’n dechrau cerdded yn araf, ac yn fuan naeth hi’n troi i ffwrdd i’r chwith. Wedyn, roedd hi’n gweld dafarn, ac o flaen y dafarn roedd hi’n gweld llun. Ar unwaith roedd hi’n teimlo’n well. Roedd y llun o ddraig fawr goch.

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2

Janice, I am going to have to get a little stern with you if you carry on with your incorrect assessment of what you achieved with the 3 minutes speaking! - you were extremely good, and showed that you’ve achieved a huge amount already. I was very, very pleased with it, and it’s extremely important that you recognise what you achieved there, instead of giving in to the temptation of putting yourself down because (like everyone!) you don’t like the sound of your own recorded voice.

Seriously. You did extremely well with it, spoke clearly and intelligibly, and are obviously capable of engaging in conversations in Welsh now. Many congratulations. :thumbsup:

Well done also on your creative idea for an alternative challenge - a very challenging one, since we don’t focus much on reported narrative in the course, but you managed to use what you’ve acquired very well, and create a genuinely understandable story :star:

3

First of all, I would like to say I enjoyed listening to you read your story- you have a very clear voice, and I have no idea why you would not like the sound of it!

And thanks for putting that story on the site- very short it may well be, but it raised a smile to my face!

I was waiting to see if someone with better Welsh than me would answer your plea for comments and corrections correction), but as that hasn’t happened (corrections of the story itself that is, of course! I’m sure Aran’s thoughtful post is as useful and uplifting as always!) I’ll try to help you by saying something!

But I would say that the lack of responses points towards your Welsh being very good, rather than the other way round!

One thing I would say is about the “naeth” construction, in eg the first sentence.
“Naeth y ddraig fach iawn yn deffro”
Using “naeth”, that should be
“Naeth y ddraig fach iawn ddeffro”
(That is, unlike with forms of the verb “to be” like “mae” and “roedd”, there is no “yn”, and the verb is soft mutated.)

So similarly, in the last paragraph, it should be “naeth hi ddechrau”, and “naeth hi droi”

It’s a great attitude to be able to ask for corrections, so I hope the above is of some help to you and that other people may chime in with their own comments!

It’s a great attitude to try to write stories, and a great way to build your vocabulary, as you say! You seem to be doing very well and I hope you keep writing!

Oh, one last thing- if you don’t follow anything I say, it’s my writing style, not your understanding at fault! Oh, and of course there are many other people on this site whose advice and comments you should pay far more attention to than mine! :wink:

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I know the course focuses on spoken Welsh not on written narrative, but I do find it sometimes helps me to remember if I write things down, even if the spelling is not perfect. I can correct that later when I am a bit more proficient at speaking. As I say I find it works for me to jot things down sometimes, hence my daft little story.

Thank you, Owainlurch, for your comments and advice. That is exactly the sort of help I needed.

Although I probably should have known that, simply from having done course 1, I find these are precisely the sort of mistakes I make when I try to make up my own sentences until I have some sort of rules fixed in my mind. And rules like you don’t need the ‘yn’ with ‘naeth’ but you do with ‘mae and ‘roedd’’ helps a lot. Thank you.

Now all I have to do is remember it for next time. Maybe I shall have to go and write a bit more story to practise it!

5

Very, very impressive Janice. I know you said that you are not yet ready for skype but I have to disagree. Maybe in your head you don’t feel ready but you sound ready from that clip. It would help immensely with your confidence and I don’t think you would have trouble finding lots of skype partners on this forum. Why not start a thread asking if anyone wants to chat or even try to join one of the group chats that happen from time to time? You are plenty good enough.

6

Thank you for your kind words, Gruntius. Mind you I was reading my daft little story, so it was cheating in a way. Speaking without a written script isn’t half so easy, as you have think on your feet, and at the moment my mind is apt to go completely blank. I shall have to practise speaking aloud to myself to get in the habit.

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